11.07.2009

Gaga finally sucks chart ass.

Provincial gay clubs have finally stopped playing the songs of dog breath pop slag, Lady Gaga, known to her friend(s) as Girl with a pearl cock ring. It took a single-release collaboration from the campest living stars on earth to finally push the trainwreck wig bitch into the playlist margins... Whitney Houston, Cheryl Cole and Alexandra Burke. The three women released infectious ass-tapping hits within one week of each other, sending gay DJs into hair-splitting despair. The best solution has proven to be playing the three songs (Fight For This Love, Bad Boys, and the Whitney warbler disco ball brawl) in never-ending cyclical succession. That way the gays are never more than ten minutes away from whichever happens to be their "fave". LOL. And, thankfully, as stated above, the brilliant side-effect of this triad-tastic pop invasion is the death of Lady Gargh Garghh. Hargh Hargh Harrrgh.
Property show princess Kirsty Allsopp, an evangelical Gaga hater, was overjoyed with the news. She told my source, very allegedly, "I hope Gargoyle [Allsopps own very witty name for Lady Gaga] spends her money on drugs and weapons and does us all a favour. But my main question is this - how will this growing family manage with only two bathrooms?". Touche Kirsty. Touche.