11.07.2009

THIS IS YOUR LIFE \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ Jake Goody.

Jake Goody started off in life as a dental nurse with a passion for Haribo star mix. It wasn't until 2000 and something that he found nationwide fame, appearing in a reality TV show, revealing his ball sack and low IQ to an amused Channel 4 audience of almost thirty-two people.

After the show, Jake was a popular subject in cheap womens magazines. Notably Jake lost weight, gained weight, lost weight, gained weight, slept with people who were better looking than him due to his fame, was photographed eating ice cream, shopping with his mum, and finally - gaining weight. Despite the pretty faces of his boyfriends it was impossible to deny their lower tax bracket stench, compared to Jake, now a millionaire for no apparent reason.

A momentary career turn saw Jake become a high profile / low intellect racist and wordsmith, using cliched cultural associations as the backbone of his mockery. For example he called the popular spanish actress Karina Malova - Karina Maracas, and the famous English playwright Joe Orton - Joe Bumfum, a title that was not necessarily homophobic but pointed fun at the tendency of English males to sodomize their male friends in confidentiality on Saturday afternoons. This racist jewel in Jake's career crown was accompanied by a series of bad short hair styles.

Tragically Jake was diagnosed in 2000 and something else with a severe case of circumstantial cancer, or was it ceremonious cancer? Wikipedia will no doubt tell all. Jake's death was a blessing in disguise as it raised awareness of circumstantial cancer, and a life-threatening vaccine was introduced and consequently imposed upon the young.