BIG BROTHER 2010 /// Each contestant, first impressions...

John James AKA David Pecker: (pictured) Aussie bleach bum who gets off on looking at himself. A classic gappie who refuses to grow up. Almost a hottie, but with what we're given, a catch.

Ben AKA Brideshead Re-closeted: Strange scary glory Tory who is deeply uncomfortable with himself, fancies John James, good luck.

Josie AKA Cotton Toe Joe: A real good time girl with a heart of gold. Potential winner assuming she doesn't get chewed up by a smarter housemate.

Govan AKA Go Go (Power Rangers): Cute little dizzee boy, quite intelligent, expect nudity and a big fanbase.

Shabby AKA Oh Fuck Off: Loopy lesbian post-Camden wannabe arthouse film director mess. Needs to go back to the drawing board.

Rachael AKA Sha'nay'nay: Beyonce without the tits, voice, precision, teeth, ANYTHING!

Corin AKA (drunk outside) Coral: Modelled herself on Jordan but lacks money for surgery or a brain. Brilliant.

Ife AKA Ife-yo Ife-yay: A cool girl is Ife. Potential winner. Watch Rachael get greener and greener.

Steve AKA Robo-pop: Scary ex-military buffoon with prosthetic limbs, tattooes and pubtalk opinions. No thanks.

Dave AKA The Merry Monk: Crazy ex-alco monk who keeps laughing to hide MAJOR problems. Please don't get in the pool with me.

Caoimhe AKA Agyness Spleen: WTF? Attention seeking ironing board with a 5-minutes-ago faux fur look.

Sunshine AKA Shut Up: Quintissential vegan bicycle-helmet-wearing bookworm who does cartwheels in the park, recycles and pisses you off.

Mario AKA The Mole: The only 'real' character, picked at random, he'll toughen up a little each day, just you see.

Nathan AKA The Ripper: Scary monobrow with monolithic views. Quite loveable, bit chavvy, probably won't last.

@officialbblive @bigbrother Davina McCall #bb11 #bb2010 #bb Channel 4 Big Brother